1. Watch Britney Spears videos on YouTube. The more you watch “I’m a Slave 4 U” the trippier it gets.
2. Memorize all of the recipes on the NuWave infomercial. Did you know that this convection oven cooks with THREE kinds of heat?
3. Read William Shakespeare’s play “Measure For Measure” and thank the higher power of your choosing that you don’t have an older brother who wants you to sleep with a Duke to save him from going to prison even if you are about the enter a convent.
4. Correct TI’s grammar on “TI’s Road to Redemption” on MTV.
5. Make Ramen to kill time and then don’t eat it, because you hate Ramen.
6. Google “Things to do at 6am” and then make your own list when nothing of substance comes up.
7. Dwell on the past and kick yourself (literally) for all your regrets.
8. Discover that 6am is the only time when VH1 actually programs music videos.
9. Realize that you have class in three hours and feel accomplished that this may become “one of those college experiences.”
10. Cry into your pink pillow because all you want to do is go to sleep.
11. Make a can of soup to kill time and actually eat it because you discover you actually do like soup.
12. Roll your change.
13. Have a conversation with your bamboo plant because it’s the only living thing awake in your apartment. Even your Beta fish is asleep.
14. Google “American Indians” and decide to begin subscribing to the Hopi belief system.
15. Think about Tom Cruise WAY too much. Why was he so cool in the 80s, but now he’s just…weird. Debate with yourself (or with your Bamboo plant, which you have now named Ziggy) whether or not Scientology is a crock of shit.
16. Make your own Sudoku puzzle and try to solve it.
17. Recite “The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere” because your “This Day In History” widget tells you it’s Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s birthday.
18. Decide that you share a brain with Perez Hilton and what that means (in Freudian terms) about your subconscious and psyche. (I secretly wish I was a gay man?)
19. Comment on David Cook’s facial hair. Much too groomed for a rock star….wait, he’s not a rock star, he was on American Idol…never mind.
20. Fantasize about what it would be like to sleep with Anderson Cooper. Oh boyyyyy.