No Money, Mo’ Problems


I am an English major and I am terrible with money, shocking, right? It’s becoming a major issue in these trying economic times so I have taken it upon myself to create a list (because I like them) of the top things you can do to stretch your money during, what I am calling, The Great Recession.

Top 10 Ways To Fight Back Against The Recession

1. Cut coupons–last time I did that my mom and I got 2 boxes of rice for like $0.75. It was kind of ridiculous. Try couponmom.com if you don’t want to go buy a newspaper.

2. Suave Apple Shampoo–it’s like $1.99 a bottle and yes, your hair will smell like a 5 year-old stuck a saliva-ridden Jolly Rancher in your hair but you can use the extra cash to buy the “fancy” name brand Ramen.

3. Hulu.com–this legal website streams movies and all your favorite TV shows over the internet…for free. Ditch cable and the dish.

4. Duct tape–there’s nothing it can’t fix. Seriously, it’s holding my bumper on to my car. Don’t replace it, duct tape it.

5. The library–it’s free, it’s warm, there are books. Sit, bask, love, read.

6. Your parents–At this point they probably don’t have a lot of money either but at least they’ll let you lounge on their couch and raid their fridge.

7. A boyfriend–if they’re a keeper they will keep you entertained with dinner and movies…and perhaps a gift or two.

8. Flirting–get free coffee, Taco Bell (yes, Taco Bell), or anything else. Bat those eyelashes, work the cleavage.

9. Beg–for money, hours at work, whatever you need. Someone, somewhere is bound to feel bad for you eventually.

10. Money–you could just get money. The demand is soaring and it’s soon to become a collectible. I haven’t seen any in a while but I hear each beautifully designed bill comes with a portrait of an old white guy from American history–so they’re both functional and educational! Collect all 7, available at ATMs nationwide….until those go for broke, too.

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