Why I don’t like the fair

Before I leave The Gazette, head home and get ready for tonight I am going to, very quickly, explain why I do not like the fair.

I had to cover the Saratoga County Fair for The Gazette today and it became blatantly obvious to me why I am not a “fair person.” Here’s an (incomplete) list of why the fair is simply not for me:

1. Over priced food that is deceiving. It smells good, but does it taste good? Absolutely not.

2. Carnies. One word: creepy. I walked by the booth for “See a woman with the world’s longest neck” today and the guy working there said to me, “Hey baby, you could be in here for world’s prettiest girl.” Ew.
Also: I walked by whack-a-mole and the guy working there asked me if I had plans tonight, and when I said yes, he asked if he could come. Then he showed me his staff ID card, his name is Chuck Norris…no joke. FAIL.

3. Farm animals. I do not like them. Yes, they’re cute, but they smell nauseating and I am not a fan.

4. Children. I am not a fan of them either. They are loud and sticky and you never know what direction they are going to run in or whether or not they are going to blow chunks on your shoes.

5. I don’t want a T-shirt airbrushed NJ-style with a guido’s face on it. I don’t want a henna tattoo on my foot. I don’t want my palm read even IF the crazy lady in the headdress thinks I’m going to die tomorrow. I have better and more entertaining things to spend my money on…like…shampoo and, uh, ketchup, and textbooks. You know, VERY IMPORTANT things.

I know the fair appeals to the kids and it’s supposed to be a fun, family event, but even as a kid, I feel like I wouldn’t have had fun at the fair. I find fun in everyday things. When fun is shoved down my throat by cotton candy vendors and ride operators with neon, blinking signs, it’s the last thing I want to do.

And that is why I don’t like the fair.


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