Of Bob Dylan and Life Moments

Wow. I just got home from Bethel (the home of Woodstock 1969) after seeing probably one of the greatest concerts of my life: Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp, and my personal Jesus, Bob Dylan.

I should be exhausted but all I can do is just, I don’t even know the word for it…vibrate? I’m still on cloud 9.

I don’t want to sound like a cliche, but this concert “spoke” to me, especially the minute Bob Dylan took the stage in his ever-present grey cowboy hat. Let me just say this, seeing one of my musical and literary heroes bound on stage just about made me pee my pants in delight, and it did make me cry.

(All you need to know about Willie and Mr. Pink Houses is that both were really good in their own respects…now back to the point.)

I’ve been having a tough time figuring things out lately, and I know it sounds dumb but this concert, and Bob Dylan in particular may have changed my life.

Not only were Bob Dylan and his band on fire but his music speaks to me? Does anyone else understand this?

To quote the film “Almost Famous,” does anyone else know what it feels like to love some silly little piece of music so much, it hurts?

Some people have an overzealous faith in God, others in mind altering substances. Me? I choose Bob Dylan and his lyrics are my Bible. When he stepped out on stage cruising into “Shake Shake Mama” off his new album I teared up. There’s something to be said about seeing one of your all time heroes mere feet in front of you…playing music…closing your eyes and pretending he’s playing to you.

Euphoria is the only way I can describe it.

I was in Heaven, hearing Bob’s rasp, taking it all in, when he began to play “Forgetful Heart” a ballad also off his new album. This song totes these lyrics:
Forgetful heart
Like a walking shadow in my brain
All night long
I lay awake and listen to the sound of pain
The door has closed forevermore
If indeed there ever was a door

I lost it. I turned to my sister and said, “Bob Dylan made me cry like a baby.” I’m tearing up now thinking about it.

Why did I cry so hard? Because there was a bunch of couples in love slow dancing in front of me. And that, coupled with Bob’s lyrics (which I really identify with right now) made me feel bittersweet–sad yet hopeful.

During his 6 minute rendition of this song I learned something. I learned that, as Willie Nelson so aptly put it, “love is a dying ember” and you have to fight to keep it a live for as long as you can…but it takes a team…not just one person.

I find myself loving someone who doesn’t seem to care about me. Pardon my poor word choice but it SUCKS to love someone but know that they will never give you what you need or what you want.

It HURTS to want someone so badly yet you know that they are just not the kind of person who is capable of being what you need. They don’t listen, they don’t care half as much as you do, they don’t show affection or emotion. They’re cold and shut off to anything that involves “feeling.” They’re like a robot who’s always doing what’s right or what’s expected because they’re afraid to feel and live their lives.

I used to be like that and I’m sick of it–but it hurts knowing someone you deeply care about is stuck there and there’s nothing you can do but let go…but you don’t want to…but you should because they treat you like shit and don’t listen to a word you say or respect you…but you don’t.

It’s a terrible awkward limbo.

I don’t want to be serious all the time. I want to play. I want to dance at concerts and be appreciated and paid attention to. I already feel valid as my own person, I want someone else to look at me and see someone worth spending time with and worth loving. I want someone who will make me feel good instead of constantly scrutinizing and judging every little thing I do. I want to have fun. I want to talk about music and open each other up to new interests. I want to DO things and SEE things. I’m young and I want to take advantage of it.

I want to work WITH someone to keep our “dying ember” alive. I’m sick of always being the most invested person in a relationship (whether it’s a friendship or otherwise). I’m always the one who cares the most. It’s time this ends.

I want to be respected and listened to. You know what else sucks? When the person you love doesn’t even listen to you…when they only hear what they want to hear…when the only feelings they take into consideration are their own.

I’m sick of that. I deserve better than that. And Bob Dylan taught me this as I was bawling and singing along.
Forgetful heart
We loved with all the love that life can give
What can I say?
Without you it’s so hard to live
Can’t take much more
Why can’t we love like we did before?

This didn’t bum me out though. It made me feel good. It made me feel like if I just relaxed and took things in stride like I had been all day that I could get through anything.

When “Forgetful Heart” was over I wiped the tears away from my eyes and I smiled…because not only had I figured all these important things out, but I knew that right around the next harmonica solo was another song by my life muse–Bob went on to play a bunch of other songs off his new album as well as “Like a Rolling Stone” and (what I thought was) a badass version of “All Along The Watchtower”. My mother thought he killed it, but I loved it…but then again, Bob Dylan could sing the alphabet and I would fall over myself to hear it.

Regardless, Bob Dylan put on an awesome show and he may have changed my life for the better just by singing a silly little piece of music that I love so much it hurts.

Other high points of the day:
*Woodstock museum: They had so much info on the original festival, plus awesome video footage and a neat gift shop–I bought newspaper reprints of the Festival coverage because I am a nerd. Oh, and in their special exhibit they had the bed from John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s “Bed-in” protest and I sat on it.
*The margarita at the amphitheater was pretty divine and even came in a light up cup.
*I was truly and completely happy and having fun for one of the first times this summer, and I even managed to eat some solid food, wisdom teeth be damned.


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