Walking The Walk

I was driving home from work at The Gazette today with my window down and my curly hair blowing in the wind. Train’s “Drops of Jupiter” was playing on the radio and I was singing along, completely happy with everything. It just feels nice to have the wind blow on your face after being cooped up inside all day, you know?

But then I pulled into my driveway and my moment of bliss was over. Why does everything good in life have to end? Why does everything in life have to end?

Then I got to thinking…(shocking advancement for me, I know).

I’m glad certain things end. It forces you to grow up and become a better person.

I was reading back through some of my old blog posts and it occurred to me that some of the things I wrote, even as recently as a few weeks ago, are no longer accurate representations of how I feel. I’ve changed. I’ve (mostly) moved on. I’ve begun to be at peace with myself.

Honestly, for the past couple of months I’ve been a fraud. I’ve said and preached things about being happy with yourself and growing up…but I didn’t do it. Why? Because I wasn’t ready yet. I was still desperately hanging on to a lot of negativity and the stupidity of it all didn’t hit me until a phone conversation about a week ago when i finally stood up for myself and let go.

That was just a WEEK ago and I feel like a completely different person. Imagine how I’ll feel in a month when school starts or in 6 months, or even 12? The basics of my personality will be the same, but my outlook on life could be completely different.

I’m at a very volatile point in my life. The slightest change of pace and my whole life philosophy could change…but isn’t that how you’re supposed to be at (almost) 21? I usually hate having too many options but right now I’m at peace with it.

It’s exciting, you know, that someone could come sweep me off my feet, or that I could stumble across an exciting new career opportunity.

I’ve been talking this talk for months but I’m finally ready to walk the walk.

I have friends who, even at 21, have fallen into, what I see as, sullen life routines. School, work, boring girlfriend/boyfriend time, repeat. I don’t want to be like that. I FINALLY want some excitement in my life.

I AM a slave to routine. I like it. I’m a tad OCD, routine has been my savior for most of my life, but I don’t want to become BORING. I want just enough pizazz in my life to keep things interesting.

I want to be that girl where what you see isn’t quite what you get…but in a good way.

I’ve been stubborn about heeding my own advice, but as of right now, I’m ready to make myself.

I’ve spent my whole life playing by everyone else’s rules and doing what was expected of me by my parents and such…but I’m over it.

I’m always going to have a strong guilty conscience. I was cursed with this personality trait where I care way too much about other people…terrible I know.

I just want to be myself and do my thing. No regrets.

I want to do the things I love and not worry about how it looks to other people.

The people who judge you are the ones who don’t even know you anyway. You ever realize that?

The people who are pathetic enough to talk about you behind your back and never confront you face-to-face are the ones who never really cared enough to get to know you. They’re just overcompensating for something.

If there’s something I’ve learned from Middle School up until now it’s that people are mean. It’s sad but true, but you can’t let the haters get you down. You can’t take anything they say seriously because it was said maliciously and out of spite. They’re just jealous or angry or insecure. You just need to ignore it. Their negativity has no place screwing up your psyche.

Someone said (via Twitter) the other day that my blog “sucks.” They’ve said this multiple times.

If it sucks why do you read it? Even more so, if it sucks so much why did you bother to take the time to comment on its suckyness? It made me literally laugh out loud. It can’t “suck” that bad if you’re spending all this time reading it, processing it and then Tweeting about it, now can it?

A friend of mine also had someone tell him (in response to a blog post) that he should “practice writing.” The same comments go–if it’s so terrible why are you reading it?

It’s moments like these that really hit home the point that the most negative people are the ones who are hiding the most. So next time someone gives you shit, ignore it. Remember that they’re the one with the issue and to get mad, hurt or angry is just a waste of time and emotion.

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