Which head are you thinking with anyway?

I was driving in the car with my friend the other day when “Lips of an Angel” came on…you know, that horrible song by that horrible band, Hinder? Usually I would promptly change the station but I was merely the passenger and was in no position to make such a decision.

So we’re driving along when my friend says, “I love this song. It has a positive message about love and life. I wish it was written about me, it’s so romantic…” and then she sighed, long and melodramatically. She was serious about this statement.

I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped in utter disbelief. I was going to tell her how completely and utterly wrong she was, but I was exhausted and due to this exhaustion I was feeling completely non confrontational. However, I do know that she reads this blog, so I’m telling her now…

“Lips of an Angel” is the most chauvinistic, un-romantic song I have ever heard in my entire life. It does not have a positive message, it is not romantic in the least and it’s certainly not the kind of song that you should wish was written about you.

“Lips of an Angel” is the quintessential example of why beings with penises cannot and should not be trusted (99% of the time). It’s a song about an asshole guy who apparently loves his girlfriend but also likes to bang other (probably hotter and sluttier) chicks on the side.

Give me a second to swoon over the romance.

The song is about his “other woman” calling him crying, no doubt because she has fallen in love with this asshole and is probably getting fed up that he won’t leave his comfortable situation with his girlfriend…so asshole guy is placating her:

“Well, my girl’s in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you…”

See, moronic girls never hear the “sometimes” all they hear is “I wish she was you” so they get all happy and stop nagging and crying and suddenly Mr. CheaterPants is out of the doghouse…trust me, I’ve been there. I have been THAT girl. “Forget about my new girlfriend Caitlin…she doesn’t mean as much to me as you do and I would give anything to have you back…blah, blah, blah…” There was a time when I would have dropped my panties on the spot for that. But now I know better.

The key in that phrase is the “sometimes.” This word is how asshole cheating guys get away without (in their own consciences anyway) actually lying. “Sometimes” means, “I only wish she was you when she’s too tired to have sex, we got in a fight, she has that gross green face mask on, or she’s out of town visiting her mom and her sister…”

This guy only wants his girlfriend to be you when he can’t get any from her, or because sex with her isn’t as exciting because maybe she’s not as sexually experimental as you. I’ve been there, too. “Baby, you’re so hot. You’re all I need, everything with you is so intense and amazing I can’t get enough. If only I wasn’t in this situation with my real girlfriend.” Eck. Boys lie to get in your pants.

POINT 1: He only wishes his girlfriend was you when he’s not getting any. It’s all about sex. He doesn’t care about you he just wants to be in your vagina. Crude? Probably. But that’s the truth.

So then Hinder goes on to say this gem:

“But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel…”

And the bullshit train keeps a-rollin’. You only make it hard for him to be faithful because he likes your boobs, your ass, and the way you have sex. He doesn’t care about you, he never will, he’s horny and his boring girlfriend is not giving it up so he is playing into your insecurities so he can bang you and get his rocks off.

POINT 2: He is calling you beautiful because he wants to get in your pants. THAT’S IT. He doesn’t love you. He never will love you. In fact, he loves his boring girlfriend. He may not love sex with her as much as he likes it with you but he loves HER, her personality, her mind, etc…

You know how sometimes you go on vacation just to get away from your real life, but after about a week away you’re itching to get back to the grind? That’s what he’s doing with you. You are his Cancun, Mexico. You’re fun for a while, but eventually he’s going to want to get back to his reality.

Which brings me to my next point…

POINT 3: HE IS NEVER GOING TO LEAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND. Everything he ever told you about how he feels about you was a lie to get into your pants. He loves his girlfriend and not you. So stop being pathetic and ditch his lying, cheating, no good douche-hole ass. Stop. Absorb. Be a strong woman. He is not going to leave boring girlfriend. Repeat as many times as it takes for it to sink in. I know it’s tough. Again, I’ve been there. Holding on to that last shred of hope that El Asshole is going to come to his senses and date me. That everything he ever told me about caring about me or still loving me was actually the truth. It’s not.

And ladies, PLEASE, if his girlfriend finds out and dumps him…STAY AWAY FROM HIM ANYWAY. He’s just going to date you and put you in the same position as his last girlfriend. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don’t be friends with him, don’t be anything with him. He lied to boring girlfriend, he lied to you, he will always lie to everyone. You are not going to be the girl who is going to change him.

Go out, be happy and find one of the small percentage of guys out there who a.) Don’t cheat b.) Don’t lie c.) Aren’t assholes d.) Will not actively try to break your heart and e.) Won’t tell you you’re beautiful or that they love you so they can unzip your jeans and go to town.

There are some out there…I think/hope. Take your time and find one. No one deserves to be treated like they don’t matter, especially at the hands of a cheating asshole boy who has a girlfriend yet is bored/greedy/selfish enough to fuck around with your emotions, too.

There is a nice guy out there. I’ve heard they exist…

It’s just tricky to find them. It’s not like you can walk up to a guy and ask them which head they’re thinking with…you just have to be patient…and careful.

Assholes lurk around every corner…or maybe I’m just jaded and pessimistic, but in my experience, I don’t think so.

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