11:30 p.m.: VMAs not as bad as in year’s past. I actually enjoyed ALL the performances which NEVER happens. Lady Gaga’s was my favorite BUT I think Pink wins the badass award of the night with the asshole award going to Kanye and the annoying award going to Russel Brand. Not bad MTV, not bad…just get a new host next year…PLEASE!
11:29 p.m.: MJ trailer…makes me feel like he was really on to something and then his time got cut short…though I feel as if that’s the point of the film. Mission Accomplished.
11:28 p.m.: After that “badass” pose at the end I really can’t take Jay-Z seriously…but he’s pretty awesome.
11:25 p.m.: Not sure how I feel about Jay-Z’s performance. He sounds like he has laryngitis but Alicia Keys sounds awesome.
11:22 p.m.: Jay-Z PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t suck.
11:14 p.m.: Beyonce, being the classy lady she is, lets Taylor Swift come out and have her moment. B, you are a goddess and and Taylor you are ADORABLE.
11:12 p.m.: Video of the Year goes to: Beyonce. She FINALLY wins. Kanye is probably doing his happy dance…
11:11 p.m.: Andy Samberg and Jimmy Fallon. Love them…talking about and imitating Boyz II Men. HILARIOUS.
11:00 p.m.: Pink is “sober” and blindfolded on a trapeze. I have one word for these performances tonight…”shenanigans” in good and bad ways. Pink doesn’t totally suck though…I mean she can sing while flinging herself across Radio City on glorified bungee cords.
1o:56 p.m.: LADY GAGA!!!! She is incredible though I am confused as to what she is wearing…she had red lace all over her face…wait she ripped it off and is dropping f-bombs and thanked the gays. SHE IS A DIVA.
10:55 p.m.: Eminem and Tracy Morgan. Perfect fit! BEST NEW ARTIST GOES TO: notasherroth notasherroth notasherroth
10:53 p.m.: Russel…shut up. NOW.
10:48 p.m.: Le sigh. So many freaking commercials.
10:46 p.m.: EMINEM!!!! I don’t care. I love him. And I’m just glad Kanye lost otherwise it would have been crazy shenanigans.
10:44 p.m.: Kanye is nominated and people are STILL booing. I love how America only shows solidarity about things that don’t matter.
10:43 p.m.: Why is Tyson from the All-American Rejects all sparkly? WHY? J.Lo looks fierce AND she mentions the Bronx…as per usual.
10:31 p.m.: MUSE! First American TV performance! Matt Bellamy is a freaking GOD. Twilight may have been the best thing that ever happened to them. They rock, basically. new album this week!
10:27 p.m.: People boo at the sound of Kanye’s name. Good. Asshat.
10:23 p.m.: OK, it’s the “Single Ladies” dance … again. Over that, too. For real…get a new schtick.
10:18 p.m.: New Moon trailer…looks better than Twilight but that’s not hard.
10:06 p.m.: Green Day performance. Pretty good. The guys still rock, I guess I just hate their new album.
10:03 p.m.: Beyonce loses…again…this time to Britney who accepts via a tape from tour. Kanye is silent (thank you).
9:49 p.m.: Lady Gaga-virgin-esque-fake-blood-hanging-from-ceiling-SO FREAKING AWESOME. She is a diva goddess and I can’t even handle it.
9:48 p.m.: Pete Wentz tries to be funny but isn’t but it’s okay because he’s Pete Wentz.
9:38 p.m.: T-Sweezy rocks it. Suck on that Kanye! She’s super cute.
9:34 p.m.: Green Day wins. So over them.
9:29 p.m.: Wale tells the crowd, “You can’t fault a man for speaking his mind” and gets booed.
9:22 p.m.: Taylor Swift wins and Kanye storms the stage being an angry asshole crusading for Beyonce. Sit down Mr. West. I hope everyone hates you and you go broke phi broke.
9:16 p.m.: Russell Brand makes an ass of himself. A MILLION TIMES. Open mouth, insert foot.
9:15 p.m.: Katy Perry and Joe Perry do Queen’s “We Will Rock You.” OH Jesus this was awesome.
9:12 p.m.: Annnnd Janet Jackson bursts onto the stage performing “Scream” with Michael projected on the screen behind her. FAIL. Janet forgot the choreography.
9:07 p.m.: THRILLER! Awesome until Janet shows up…
9:00 p.m.: Madonna says the nicest things about Michael Jackson and almost makes me cry. I love her and, oddly, I miss him.