There is something seriously wrong with the mechanism in my brain that lets me fall asleep. Is there even such a mechanism? Neurons, thalamus, brain stem, reticular formation? No comprendo. Clearly I chose the right major.
For the past two months I’ve had this weird system where I’ll come home from school or work and feel fine, then, about an hour or so after I get home I will suddenly feel exhausted. I pass out for 2-3 hours, wake up around 12-1 a.m. and can’t go back to sleep. Sometimes I watch stupid shows on TV, sometimes I lay in bed with my eyes closed and try not to cry in frustration, sometimes I get so frustrated that I get a terrible migraine and I do cry and sometimes, like tonight, I blog in an Internet forum about my problems to (probably) fictitious people who I (theoretically) think read my blog and I think (probably wrongfully) that they care.
I try to do homework but I can’t concentrate. I end up EVENTUALLY falling asleep at like 5 a.m. and then miss my morning classes…or, if I do end up waking up I’m nodding off in them and snoring. Yes. I snored in class today. Let’s not talk about it.
I don’t know if I should see a doctor (Google says I have chronic fatigue syndrome…hypochondriac alert!) or just deal with it. I could always pop one of my wonderful Xanax and force myself into a normal sleep schedule, but I always feel bad about taking it when I’m not having an anxiety or panic attack. I feel like my doctor prescribed it to me for a reason and that’s the reason I should use it for. I don’t like pumping my body full of drugs.
There is clearly something wrong with me though…headaches, dizzy spells, constantly chugging water, not sleeping…I’m probably dying. Just as my life is getting to the point where I actually like it again my body starts malfunctioning. It figures.
I suppose being up until the wee hours of the morning isn’t all bad…I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned that the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Christmas Special is HILARIOUS. Charlie takes a chunk out of a mall Santa’s neck, Mac wore sleeveless shirts even as a kid and Danny DeVito should never, ever be nude…EVER. I’ve also learned that as much as I love Lady Gaga she was kind of lame on Gossip Girl this past Monday. I have also discovered that my obsession with Gossip Girl is totally justified even if it’s a brain rotting TV show.
I have a new found fixation with police dramas, namely White Collar (*swoon* hot ex-con artist) and Criminal Minds (*swoon* Greg from Dharma and Greg). Chuck Klosterman’s new book, Eating the Dinosaur, was pretty wonderful but nothing he writes will ever top Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, though I sincerely hope he proves me wrong.
I’ve discovered that I really do like Gavin DeGraw a lot…which is random. His voice is just really nice. I’ve also learned that Uncrustables and Aldi brand jell-o only taste good past 1 a.m.
However, the biggest thing I’ve learned is that I really need to figure out how to get my sleep schedule back on track because this is getting ridiculous. It’s past 3 a.m. I have class at 9:30 a.m. and I am laying on top of my tie-dye comforter abusing my lovely little MacBook by typing useless, nonsensical dribble into an Internet blog that probably only gets read by my Mom.
I am a failure.