Jersey Shore: A World of Gentlemen and Intellect

Have you seen MTV’s “Jersey Shore”?

Holy Guido, Batman! Greaseballs of America called–you’ve missed to many meetings.
From the minute the show aired about a million statuses popped up in my Facebook “news feed” quoting it and talking about it. I watched about five minutes of it and wanted to stab myself. I changed the channel back to “Good Eats” and never looked back.
That is, until tonight.
Honestly, there is NOTHING else on T.V. right now, and even if there was, I STILL think I’d be watching “Jersey Shore” anyway…for various reasons…
1. The ego boost–no matter what I do in life I will NEVER be like the girls on that show. My skin will never look or feel like a beat-up football. My hair will never be that big and black. And I will never drop f-bombs every three words while grinding up on some guy whose hair to gel ratio is 1:5.
2. It’s hysterical–they have to work these like five-hour shifts at a T-shirt shop and they can’t even handle it half the time. “I don’t want to stand and put clothes on hangers for five hours. It’s like so hard. Plus I won’t have like 7924691274974 hours to poof my hair before we go out and make fools out of ourselves.” It’s like Real World: Middle School with adults. It’s hilarious…AND the best part: everything is such a HUGE issue. “OMG we kissed ONCE and he’s totally dancing with another girl. I’m going to throw a hissy fit and then go home and eat ham.” (I’m not making up the hissy fit and ham part. It happened.)
3. The guys–what a fine group of gentlemen. One guy (we’ll call him Hair Gel, because I can’t tell them apart) decided to showcase his heart of gold on the show. Hair Gel and his friend Douche brought back girls from the bar. Hair Gel and douche end up getting these girls into precarious sexual positions (i.e. in bed) when Hair Gel’s girl says she can’t have sex because she’s got her monthly visitor. What does Hair Gel say? “My girl can’t have sex because she’s on her period. I tried to take her pants off and she wouldn’t let me. Whatever.” Wow. So romantic. OH and then Douche’s girl wants to go home so he begs her to stay: “Seriously. You gotta go? Don’t go, baby. It’ll be fun.” The girl says she has to leave because her “Mom would be pissed.” Way to rob the cabbage patch, Douche…at least Hair Gel’s girl can ovulate.
This just goes to show that ANYTHING can make entertaining T.V. I’m working on a pilot for my own show… Erie Shore, where Meg and I will document our lives in the post-industrial wasteland of Buffalo.
I promise to freak out in a bar and storm home to eat lunch meat and talk to myself in the first episode.
I also promise to never put it on T.V. or even YouTube for that matter. I just wish these Guidos had promised the same.
There’s been talk in the news that some people in the Italian-American community are mad at the program for portraying Italian-Americans in a negative light. I can’t say I blame them but I also can’t look away…it’s like a car wreck.

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