7:22 p.m.: Lady Gaga’s wired and white Armani dress is fierce. Ryan Seacrest is (still) annoying. Hayley Williams is adorable. I love Pink. Lady Gaga and Kings of Leon have already won awards (as it should be) and Black Eyed Peas won (ew.)
7:25 p.m.: Carrie Underwood is cute. T-Pain is a douche.
7:30 p.m.: Miley= suck, Nicole Kidman=beautiful. Ryan Seacrest=dumbass.
7:31 p.m.: Taylor Swift won two Grammys. She looks beautiful tonight. LOVE the dress.
7:32 p.m.: Kings of Leon. Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm. I want to be their friend. NOW. Beyonce’s dress is beautiful.
7:40 p.m.: Ke$ha looks hot…in a weird way. I kind of like the feathers in her hair. It’s boho and cute. Sheryl Crow, classy and boho as usual.
7:50 p.m.: 10-minutes until showtime and Britney is sprinting down the red carpet looking HOT. I don’t like Rihana’s dress. Colbie Caillat looks gorgeous.
8:00 p.m.: LADY GAGA OPENING. SHE IS SUCH A FIERCE DIVA. HOLY SHIT THIS IS AMAZING.
8:04 p.m.: My two favorite people. ELTON AND GAGA piano together. BOTH looking ferosh. Speechless/Your Song mash up = Musicgasm!
8:09 p.m.: Colbert is hilarious. “The Pink Eyed Green Peas.” “Justin Timberlake may have brought the sexy back but Susan Boyle sent it away again. Goodbye sexy, hello good singing.”
8:13 p.m.: Song of the Year– Single Ladies (le sigh, I wanted Gaga)
8:14 p.m.: Cast of American Idiot and Green Day…this could be good, right?
8:16 p.m.: I SUPPOSE Green Day MAY be growing on me again…I just wish their albums would start being good again. I am enjoying this performance.
8:20 p.m.: Am I the only one who thinks it’s funny that Celine Dion is in the Michael Jackson tribute?
8:26 p.m.: Best Country Album–“Fearless” Taylor Swift. She is so damn cute I can’t handle it sometimes.
8:28 p.m.: Beyonce is actually not doing the Single Ladies dance…for once. FINALLY.
8:32 p.m.: Beyonce covering Alanis? WTF?
8:40 p.m.: Pink is unconventionally beautiful. HOLY HALF NAKED BATMAN. She’s also wet and spinning on a tapestry. I don’t know how I feel about this, but the girl can sing. I miss the old “go eff yourself” Pink.
8:46 p.m.: Best New Artist–Zac Brown Band. Those dudes deserved it, but I was hoping for The Ting Tings.
8:54 p.m.: Miley has clothes on!!!!
8:55 p.m.: I HATE the Black Eyed Peas so I’m ignoring the next 5 minutes…though I don’t know if I hate them or if I just hate Will.i.am. Fergie is pretty awesome but he’s a d-bag.
8:57 p.m.: Yep. Definitely hate them. Auto-tuned and hot mess.
9:05 p.m.: When will the Jonas Brothers hit puberty?
9:10 p.m.: Best Comedy Album–Stephen Colbert. (I was voting for George Lopez because we all know that I have a totally random infatuation with him.) Colbert: “It was a Christmas album so obviously I should thank Jesus Christ.”
9:17 p.m.: Ringo has always been my favorite Beatle and he’s STILL handsome!
9:18 p.m.: Record of the Year–“Use Somebody” Kings of Leon. YESSSSSSS! I love those Followills. They are wonderful.
9:21 p.m.: Jamie Foxx…what you doing? Opera and autotune? SUPER FAIL.
9:25 p.m.: and now slash?? Talk about clusterfuck of popculture. At least Foxx apologized to Jay-Z for it.
9:26 p.m.: Justin Bieber and Ke$ha…WTF??? He also just called Bon Jovi “Beyonce”…those youngin’s will never learn.
9:32 p.m.: Best Rock Album–Green Day “21st Century Breakdown” (not a fan of this album, but somewhat better than American Idiot…I STILL miss old Green Day.) Billie Joe: “Now I’m gunn go have shots with Kings of Leon.” Good choice.
9:35 p.m.: Zac Brown is legit…but why are they singing “America the Beautiful”??
9:47 p.m.: Taylor Swift is so cute. Not the most talented but she is a sweetie who knows how to rock it.
9:48 p.m.: Stevie Nicks is STILL a diva. Her and Tay Tay are so cute together. Second best performance of the night…after Gaga and Elton.
9:50 p.m.: ANDDDDDDD Stevie grabbed the tambourine. My life is complete.
9:52 p.m.: And here comes the MJ tribute. He was a pop icon and I’m sad we lost him, but I’m over this broohaha. I also don’t get how Celine Dion or Carrie Underwood fit into this equation. Hmm.. color me perplexed.
9:58 p.m.: As far as tributes go…this is lame. MJ’s kids are surprisingly adorable.
10:09 p.m.: Oh Bon Jovi. You’re so cute…but I’m not so much a fan of your band. Maybe if this was the ’80s and I had some Aquanet. Fans chose “Livin’ on a Prayer”…BIG shock….that was sarcasm.
10:18 p.m.: Best Rap/Song Collaboration–“Run This Town” Jay-Z, Rihanna, Kanye West
10:27 p.m.: Mary J and Andre Boccelli. Pretty solid.
10:31 p.m.: I’m very over this show. Most of the performances are whack. It does NOT need to be three hours long.
10:40 p.m.: A Dave Matthews Band performance is not the same without an amphitheater lawn and some weed.
10:47 p.m.: Ricky Martin might be drunk.
10:48 p.m.: Best Female Vocal: “Halo” Beyonce
10:55 p.m.: Maxwell is enjoyable.
11:04 p.m.: These performances tonight are going downhill fast. Grammys, PLEASE be over. NOW.
11:14 p.m.: Quentin Tarantino clearly took speed. I love Eminem.
11:26 p.m.: Album of the Year–“Fearless” Taylor Swift…..REALLY??? WHAT ABOUT GAGA. But Tay Tay is jumping all cute.
11:27 p.m.: Taylor shut up. I want Gaga.
11:30 p.m: Grammys over a half hour late. Better than last year but still kind of long and sucky. Gaga got robbed but her performance OWNED.