365 days of diligent posting about anything and everything. It may not be groundbreaking stuff, but to me it’s everything.
When I started this blog on Feb. 15, 2009 I was a 20 year old college junior who had just had her heart broken. Ripped out. Stepped on. Pulverized.
My relationship of two and a half years had just ended. My ex then proceeded to drag my heart around by conning me into continuous hookups with kind words and coy glances…despite the fact that he had already replaced me in a matter of days. These hookups lasted for almost six months. It was bad news.
When I started this blog I was an emotional wreck. I felt lost. Like I would never love again. I was miserable and had shut myself off to any kind of feeling. Any guy who even showed a remote interest in me received the same unwelcome reception complete with dry humor, painful sarcasm and indifferent stares.
I used this blog as a way of connecting…not necessarily with other people, but with myself.
All through high school I had prided myself on being self-reliant. Independent. I didn’t need love…but then I fell in love and I became that girl I hated…damaged and angry.
Through blogging for this past year I’ve learned a lot about life and about myself. I know now that everything does happen for a reason. Discovering what that reason is, is the hard part. By going through heartbreak and the subsequent healing process I’ve learned to empathize with people. I’ve learned to be understanding, but I’ve also learned to guard myself again…but in a healthy way. I don’t need to be a bitch and blow guys off, string them along or use them. I need to take a step back and take things slow. I’ve learned that I’m a slow girl. My last relationship moved too fast and thus the reason for its demise. I still don’t know if you ever truly get over your first love, but I’m glad I had the opportunity to learn from it.
I’ve grown up a lot in the last year. Now, as a 21 year old college senior I have a new focus and a new lust for life that I didn’t have a year ago when I was sad and certain that I would never love again…or even be happy again.
I’m elated with life. I love my job at The Spectrum, I excelled at my internship, I applied to grad school, I figured out what I want to do with my life. I have great friends, great family and I’m happy. My whole future is laying right out in front of me like a red carpet that I can’t wait to walk down.
Though, I still can’t help but feel like I wasted a lot of time caring about someone who wasn’t worthy of my time…actually I’m sure I did…but I can’t take that back now.
I spent the last year growing and learning. Growing up and growing old (metaphorically). Taking on new challenges and having fun. I think I’ve done a pretty good job of documenting along the way…
Thanks for coming along for the ride faithful readers. I’m looking forward to the next 365 days.