I’m THAT girl…

This is true, right? RIGHT?

I’m chalking (most) of this up to my random cold. I’ve been so stuffy and so congested that all I’ve been able to do after school is go home and die, silently, in a heap of sweat on my bed. It was so humid yesterday and the air was so thick and my nose was so stuffy that after climbing the hill and four flights of stairs to my apartment I threw up…it was also my birthday…happy 22nd birthday to me.

SOMEHOW, in my 3-4 days of illness I have been left by myself with a lot of time to think and/or creep on the Internet…and so I have. Sadly, I think I may have become THAT girl…which is enough to make me want to vomit all over again.

You see, I have this infatuation with this guy (let’s call him Burberry, for the scent of his cologne). We had a “thing” but we both moved on to different things…which I thought was a good thing. He reminded me COMPLETELY of my ex-boyfriend (who I have only recently started talking to again). He’s cute, funny, smart, yet mostly emotionally unavailable. Very self-involved. Cares about others but not nearly as much as he cares about himself…not in a “I’m so vain” kind of way…more like “I’m only looking our for number one, but to a fault” kind of way. He doesn’t let people in as much as most people do. I found this frustrating, especially since I’d been down this road before, so when things deteriorated I was fine with it.

But I can’t get this damn dude out of my head.

It’s like he follows me everywhere, too. I see the lead singer of his favorite band in Starbucks today. I hear his favorite band while in Duane Reade. The guy in front of me at Pinnacle orders his favorite pizza…AND every. single. time. I get on the Internet I look up his Facebook, his Twitter and his blog. (Also, today he asked me out for drinks…but that’s a whole different “WTF” issue. Do I go?)

Why do I/we do this?

It fascinates me. Is it because I have some deeply repressed feelings for him? Is it because I need to know if I’ve been replaced yet? Do I look for subtle hints that suggest he’s thinking about me too? Yes, yes, and yes.

It’s all of the above.

I have turned into an Internet creeper and I’m not O.K. with it.

Curiosity killed the Caitlin…and this is not good because REAL J-School starts on Tuesday.

Le sigh.



  1. Sarah · September 8, 2010

    I’m with you. I was on a dating website and saw a guy who looked totally out of my league, I wasnt about to write him, so out of curiousity I googled him and the first song that ran through my head was “Creep” by TLC. I suddenly was overcome with infatuation. It made me paranoid after awhile, so I havent signed back into my account. I just get this feeling he knows I was creepin on him. :S I thought I was the only one. The internet makes it really easy to know someone without having to talk to them and I think everyone does it in one way or another Even a successful old high school friend on facebook admitted to me that she is friends with people from high school (whom she dispised back when) so that she can keep dibs on them. Not to mention employers who creep on their potential employees.

  2. Mazarine · September 8, 2010

    Yeah, you know Caitlin,


    There are far fewer people out there who are perfect for you than I would have cared to admit, 10 years ago, but it’s true.

    If I were talking to ME, 10 years ago, this is what I would have said.

    Hold out for someone who is TOTALLY head over heels with you, how you look, how you talk, how you think, everything.

    Hold out for someone who can have endless conversations with you. Stop stalking this dude and find some random dates to go on. It’ll be fun! You’ll meet people! 8 million people, gotta be one or two for you to date!

    And have fun with it! Just don’t date assholes, date someone interesting who digs you! 🙂


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